Jesus

I've created many things. Countless things. Beautiful things. The thing I've regretted most, the thing that when I think about it I just want to kill when I remember how much I hate it, is Jesus.

He is my worst creation. (Including Oprah.)

I sent him to Earth to raise some Hell, and fuck you kids up. But no. He got all gay on me, and was all about peace and love. Damn I hated him.

That pussy came back to Heaven when you idiots finally killed him, (I liked your style by the way) with a big grin on his face, arms open for a hug.

I hit that fucker so hard he went flying back to Earth. Took him three whole days to work up the balls to come back and face me. When he did I gave my good friend Satan a call and they had a little chat.

Three hundred years later Jesus got back to Heaven. He was... A little different. Different in 3 respect.

1) He was no longer a pussy

2) He no longer wanted to hug me

3) He had no skin.

He asked me for another chance to do my bidding, but this time he'd plan, and get things right. And so I gave him another chance, it took him around 1500 years to plan too.

Most people remember his second attempt at gaining my love. His name was Adolf Hitler, and boy did he succeed! He killed so many people, I almost gave him Earth. But I thought it would make him into a pussy again, so I told Stalin the way to fuck him up.

He got back to Heaven, after killing himself and taking his bitch with him, which pleased me a little more, and got all pissy with me, asking why I didn't help him. I promptly called him a pussy and hit him in the face with a shovel, (made of lightening).

I told him he was 1 for 2, and had 1 more chance to earn my love.

About 70 years later he went back to Earth, as a man named Osama Bin Laden.

Fucked those Americans up good hard, and is still surviving and well.

And there is the history of Jesus Christ. Who has earned my love.