For My Sake...

Sorry to have another rant about Myspace (I'm not really) but I hate it so damn fucking much.
Today I heard the following:

"Hey, where are you going?"
"Myspace!"
"OK! I'll see you there"

..........
..
....

I almost killed them both. But I resisted, because I knew that they're going to become so engrossed in Myspace that they will die alone.
It's a good feeling knowing that. Makes me all warm inside.
Honestly... If you're going to dedicate all your free time making "Internet" friends, why not do something worth while... Like World of Warcraft... Or porn...
One day I'm going to take over Myspace with my mighty mightyness, and "unangle" the "angles" so everyone can see how ugly everyone else is, then I'm going to put a mandatory IQ test on the main page, before anyone can log in the test must be taken, the scores of this IQ test will be posted beside your now ugly picture.
The reasons for Myspace's existence will be gone and it, hopefully along with all of it's users, will die.

Prayer

Contrary to some's thinking, I do in fact, hear prayers, and again, contrary to some, and I want you to take this in.

I DON'T CARE

So stop fucking asking me for shit. I don't care about you, or your troubles.
You think I care about you when I have a universe to run? 1 little shitty world with a measly 6 billion humans. What about Planet Furb? It has over 300 billion giants. Yeah, that's real fucking easy to manage, considering it is a little smaller than Earth.
But I don't really blame you for thinking I care, I mean, I know you're all idiots and all. I blame the priests, they know I don't care, because when one becomes a priest I come in a vision and tell them I'm not real, and to leave me alone... I don't know how they don't get the message.
It's their fault for miss leading you with their lies... And pedophilia.

People who go to other people with their problems piss me off almost as much. I'm happily spying on someone, having a good time, then some 13 year old bitch who's boyfriend just dumped her comes running in and starts bitching and crying. You're 13 bitch. Get over it. It's even worse when adults can't handle their problems. Either get over it like a real person, bury it deep, deep down inside so people don't have to hear it, or kill yourself.
I prefer the latter option. If you can't think of a way to kill yourself, check this out.
And next time you want to have a cry, remember:

This picture is shamelessly stolen from Maddox, whos site can be found here.

T.V

I can't watch the news anymore.
It is so fucking depressing and stupid.
All the stories are "Man cuts off arm, mistaken for tree branch" or "Priest rapes and kills 12 children before cutting his arm off, mistaking it for a tree branch"
All the actual T.V shows are "reality" Yes. Because 15 people in a house, vying for popularity, bitching and being morons is reality. Well... Being morons is reality for most of you.
The line up for Fox 8 the other night was:
8:00: Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency (Heap of stupid, spoiled whores whining and bitching)
8:30: The Simple Life (2 stupid spoiled whores desperately clinging to their last shred of undeserved stardom)
9:00: Beauty and Geek (It really is the work of Satan, he told me about it on our last poker night)

I mean... What the fuck. I always thought you watch T.V to see crazy wacky shit that is totally impossible.
I don't want to see if the weird nerd can pick up with the freakishly hot cheerleader. I want to see if Michael Schofield can hunt down T-Bag and get his doe back, or if Superman can get shot in the colon with a nuke and laugh it off.
The only shows worth watching nowadays are either on once a week, or animated.
If you have ever enjoyed a single "reality" T.V show, then I am sending you to Hell, where you will have to sit 1 inch away from the screen of a giant T.V screen watching the same repeat of "The Simple Life" for all eternity.
Think about that. If I see a fleeting glimpse of Paris Hilton on the cover of a magazine I kill someone. Imagine an eternity of her semen covered, lazy eyed face.

Scene Kids

We all know scene kids. And we all hate them.

We go to a concert to have some fun and listen to some nice music.
Over in the corner is the little emo crowd, not really moving or talking, except the occasional fringe flick.
Up the front, jumping around, looking like fuckheads are the metal kids.
In the toilets, doing some drugs and wondering why their yellow mohawk isn't standing up anymore are the punk kids.
And there's me. In Heaven. Laughing my ass off.

If I may quote some lyrics from the Dead Kennedys song "Chickenshit Conformist" (And I may, because I'm God.)

"Music scenes ain't real life
They won't get rid of the bomb
Won't eliminate rape
Or bring down the banks"

Basically... Your music scene won't get you a job, or anything worth having in life.
You won't get to a job interview, and say "Yeh, I know I'm retarded and not qualified to do anything, but I have over 1000 scene points for the little scars on my wrist!"
Actually... You probably will... Idiots.

Music scenes are totally, completely, 100% worthless. Just like cripples... And black people.

If you think scene kids aren't hurting anything, I'll leave you with this:

Just look at that tool. People like him is the reason I kill people. If there get to be many more I'm just going to have to start again, but remove the part of the brain that induces idiocy.

Idiots Cont.

Now, while I appreciate the feed back I'm given

"indeed i lol'd. haha. this guy is a wtfcaek"

Is just not needed, another comment, from the same person of "I lo'd."
Sure, that's fine, he laughed out loud. I'm glad.
But when you get into the "this guy is a wtfcaek"s
...What in My name is a "wtfcaek?" It's such a worthless waste of effort to type.
Which brings me to my next rant:
Abbreviations that are not abbreviations, and worthless ones.
e.g.
howz - You are using the exact same number of letters, moving your finger further to hit "z" instead of "s" and it just makes you sounds stupid.
kool/kewl - Again, same amount of letters, but in this one, granted you don't have to move your fingers as far, but for micro-seconds of saved time you are making yourself look like a moron.
If I were to receive a message like "howz u doin dood" I would instantly send the person who sent to Hell, and for all eternity, they would only be spoken to as they talk in message.
Just think of that next to you try to save under .1 of a second by using "u" instead of "you" or "kewl" instead of "cool"
If you're going to comment, great, I like the feedback, but please, for the love of Me, use real words.

Idiots

I'm not talking about "retards" I made those on purpose. (We all need some entertainment)
I'm talking about the people who you talk to for about 5 minutes and then something clicks, something inside your head just says "Fuck this guy is stupid... I should share this information with them."
And so you do. You tell this idiot that he is indeed a moron. And do you know what his response is?
Either a laugh, a joke or an uncomprehending stare.
These people make you want to hit things. Spending time with them makes you just want to scream and hit them square in the balls and/or face. Especially when they don't realise they're stupid. Even after you tell them, in plain terms "You. Are. An. Idiot."
I've made it impossible for these tards to get into Heaven. Rapists, murderers, thieves, fucking sure, they're cool with me. But idiots...
No.
Fucking.
Way.
I send them to Hell, where they are tied to a large black woman, and told over and over how stupid they are, until their minute brains comprehend it... Then they're stabbed in the face for the rest of eternity.
So if you're one of the mentioned idiots, please, for the love of Me, go read a fucking book.

Myspace

I was spying on some teenage bitch who was at a school today.... What? Don't judge me fucker, I'm God.

Anyway, her name on myspace was "I hate life and me"

.......

I'll give you a few minutes to stop laughing, I know it took me about an hour.

Now, I'm not saying that everyone who uses myspace is shallow, retarded and overall deserving to die. Just most of them.

As I sat there and watched her file through her "friends" list, or as I call it, the "other idiots you will never actually meet" list, I saw the infamous "angles"...

We all know what the myspace angles are, and we all know that people who use them are just trying to make themselves look less ugly, hell, sometimes it even works, but mostly it just makes you look like the shallow tool that you are.

Now, back to the stupid bitch who hates life and herself.

Her background was all black, with a few spots of white, and down the bottom, it had the words "You don't know what it's like to be alone" in some faggot barbed wire writing.

Here's a news flash bitch: maybe they do know what it's like to be alone, and by "alone" they don't mean a spoilt member of a loving family in a nice house, they mean living in a piece of shit apartment because their parents fucked off when they were young and they've been living in an orphanage long enough to save up enough money to move out into the afformentioned piece of shit apartment.

People have it worse than you bitch. Kill yourself.

No, actually don't. We all like the amusment you give us, just stop your bitching.

Jesus

I've created many things. Countless things. Beautiful things. The thing I've regretted most, the thing that when I think about it I just want to kill when I remember how much I hate it, is Jesus.

He is my worst creation. (Including Oprah.)

I sent him to Earth to raise some Hell, and fuck you kids up. But no. He got all gay on me, and was all about peace and love. Damn I hated him.

That pussy came back to Heaven when you idiots finally killed him, (I liked your style by the way) with a big grin on his face, arms open for a hug.

I hit that fucker so hard he went flying back to Earth. Took him three whole days to work up the balls to come back and face me. When he did I gave my good friend Satan a call and they had a little chat.

Three hundred years later Jesus got back to Heaven. He was... A little different. Different in 3 respect.

1) He was no longer a pussy

2) He no longer wanted to hug me

3) He had no skin.

He asked me for another chance to do my bidding, but this time he'd plan, and get things right. And so I gave him another chance, it took him around 1500 years to plan too.

Most people remember his second attempt at gaining my love. His name was Adolf Hitler, and boy did he succeed! He killed so many people, I almost gave him Earth. But I thought it would make him into a pussy again, so I told Stalin the way to fuck him up.

He got back to Heaven, after killing himself and taking his bitch with him, which pleased me a little more, and got all pissy with me, asking why I didn't help him. I promptly called him a pussy and hit him in the face with a shovel, (made of lightening).

I told him he was 1 for 2, and had 1 more chance to earn my love.

About 70 years later he went back to Earth, as a man named Osama Bin Laden.

Fucked those Americans up good hard, and is still surviving and well.

And there is the history of Jesus Christ. Who has earned my love.

The Creation of Earth

You stupid shit head Christians claimed I made the world in 6 days, then rested on the 7th.

I'm fucking God you idiots. I made Earth with a click on my fucking mighty fingers, then went on the create the rest of the universe in the next 7 days. I could've done it all in a second, but I'm a lazy bastard and kept stopping to play WoW. Yeh... It got me too.You idiots also think I made Adam and Eve too...

.........

Fuck... If I were to make 2 people, I'd at least give them names that didn't make me want to hit things. You realise that if this was true, then you'd all be very closely related, and the entire world would be 100% incest, not just Tasmania.

All you faggots evolved from monkeys. Hairy, sweaty, dirty, grotty monkeys.

(You may have noticed that wogs are still a step down the evolution scale.)

The Boxing day Tsunami

As some of you know, a few years ago there was a Tsunami in South and South East Asia, that killed a whole lot of people.

Some of you believe this was caused by an underwater earthquake. The people who believe that are fucking stupid, why would you think that it was caused by an EARTHQUAKE! It's completely illogical, has no evidence behind it and is all round stupid.

The truth behind the matter was that those damn gooks were pissing me off, so I decided to kill a few of them off using a magical lightning bolt that I send from Heaven, to hit in the middle of the Ocean.

If you don't agree with my methods of trying to keep the world's population to a managable level, you can get fucked, because I'm God and you're not.