My friends, yes, I have friends... Like Hitler, Pol Pot, Charlie Manson (I know what you're about to say, and you're an idiot for thinking it. I'm God. I can bring him to Heaven whenever the shit I want)
They're always asking me:
"God, you kick ass, and we love you and worship you, but what do you love and worship?"
Well... The answer is simple. Me.
I fucking rock.
It keeps me awake at nights, lying around thinking how damn awesome I really am.
You have to kick a whole lot of ass to think up shit like the boxing day tsunami, or the 1970 floods of Bangladesh.
Sure, any moron can shoot someone in the face, and I like it. Quick. Simple. Hilarious. It's a good technique, but if you want to bring as much pain and death onto as many people as you can, then fucking BAM! Natural disasters will fuck your shit right up.
Who do you think it was that gave Africa AIDS? That didn't happen "naturally."
I wandered around that continent for about 10 years, turning trees into floating swarms of pure AIDS... It was good fun... One of the better times of my infinite life.
Remember kids, if your parents die in a car crash, or your relatives all die in a fire/flood/hurricane/AIDS... It might not be funny for you, but it damn sure is for me, and that's what really counts... Me.
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