My Absence

So I've been gone a while. So what? Things to do, people to kill, you know how it is. Well.. You don't because you're not God. I am. Hah. I win. Fuckers.
The main reason I've not written about anything lately is because nothing has really pissed me off.

Until now.


And that something is....

Britney Spears.

What the FUCK is with her? It's not only her, but how people react to her, and other "celebrities".
She was once upon a time, a talentless bitch who looked good in tight clothes. Now she is a talentless bitch with no hair, a fat ass, and a kid I feel VERY sorry for.

I saw a commercial about her biography or some shit, with the announcer saying how she was probably the saddest and loneliest person on the planet, and nobody could comprehend her pain.
...
...
I'll let you ponder that for a minute.
..
.......
Minute's up.
The saddest and loneliest person on the planet, nobody can comprehend her pain.
She has a gigantic house, damn near unlimited money and everything she could ever dream about wanting. Don't worry about a 10 year old kid in Bangladesh, who is living alone, cause both of his parents died of AIDS. A rich white American celebrity has it WAY harder.
I bet she wakes up of a morning, and then spends the rest of the day trying to run a farm on his own, or begging in the streets. She wouldn't wake up at the crack of noon, then sit around all day, watching T.V. No way.

You might ask me "How do you know there is someone in that kid's situation.
Well... Let's just say I have it on very good authority.




....
..
Fine. I killed his parents.

I think I might make that bitch Britney get into a car accident which makes her lose her arms/legs/face and gives her cancer.

...Her child will be fostered by Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Jackie Chan, and will most likely ascend into my kingdom at the age of 15 to join me in killing inferior beings.

Inside Information on Myspace

As some of you know I have recently been doing some spy work on Myspace. I made an account and did all the faggoty things all those faggots do, to see if infact it was everything I thought it was. Turns out, it was everything and more. So much faggotry. So little intelligence.
After a little over a week I deleted my account, as the AIDS of Myspace is as deadly and infectious as the masterpiece I created to fuck up them niggers.

You

Yes... You.... Fuck you.



...Leave me alone, I felt I should write something, as I havn't for a while.

The V-Tech Shooter

I know I post some things that can be seen at tasteless or sick, but for the most part I'm just joking, but this has really got to me, and my heart goes out to the families affected.





















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THAT MAN IS A FUCKING LEGEND.
Cho Seuing-hui is currently sitting next to me, after replacing my former son, uhh.. What's his name.. Jeebus or something.
I have high hopes of letting this man replace me after I get tired of causing pain and destruction... Which may well be never, killing half a country with a flood or fire still gives me a chubby.
I know, most or you have two questions:
1) But this man killed innocent people and himself and he did technically believe in you, doesn't that mean he is going to hell?
Well, the answer to this is simple... Are you retarded.? Oh, silly me. Of course you are. If you hadn't realised I am an evil cunt too, there is no way I'm letting Satan have all the fun. Since he caused so much pain and destruction he gets to come to Heaven and chill with the big guy.
2) He is Asian. They don't have souls. How did you actually bring him to Heaven?
I was watching him kill all those kids... I may or may not have been jacking it at the time... When I saw him put the gun to his head, I quickly gave him one, so he could come and chill.

...Yep, now that he and I are working together in perfect destructive harmony, I see no peace for the human race for many a year to come... I might give him charge of global warming... Hah, this is going to be great.

The Mobile Phone Industry

I'm not talking about the manufacturing and distribution of mobile phones, I'm talking about the gay, pissy little ring tones, games, videos and the places you ring to get "hot" (ugly) and "horny" (bored and depressed) girls to sex you up.
"Jamster" a ringtone/video/feeding off retards company made well over $500 million last year. They use a system, where to get any of their "products" you need to pay $6.60 as a sign up fee, $6.60 per week until you cancel your subscription, which is also $6.60.
That is $343.20 a year.
Think about that.
People are paying that much money, for one or two dicky ringtones, that just make them look like a tool anyway.
It's like buying a new game console, then getting bored of it in a week and just letting it sit there while you play Tekken 3 and Crash Bandicoot on PS1.... Fuckin' Wii...

As for the sex lines, or the dating lines... Is anyone, anywhere that desperate.. To spend $3.50 per message, yes message, nobody is going to consent to a meeting with a guy who starts messaging them in the middle of the night, and who is quite obviously very sex deprived.. I mean... That's pretty fucking sad.
If you've ever even thought about using one of these outside of a joke, you should kill yourself.

I bet you're wondering, that is, if you're not too retarded to actually have conscious thought, "But God, if you hate these things so much, why don't you destroy them?"
Well, I'll tell you...
Because they make retards lose money. And that is a noble practice indeed.
"Then why don't you kill all the retards, Oh Mighty One?"
Honestly.. If I killed all the retards, there wouldn't be enough people left on the planet to form society.
I might just make it a sin to have an IQ under 90... So all the idiots get to spend eternity chilling (burning) in Hell.

Orlando Bloom

Orlando Bloom is a faggot.
Every decent movie he is in is totally ruined by his faggotry. Lord of the Rings was saved, cause it kicks ass, Kingdom of Heaven failed a little, Pirates of the Caribbean still kicked ass, cause Johnny Depp rocks the cazbar, Troy sucked dick, solely because Faggot was in it. Eric Banna is awesome, Brad Pitt is slightly less awesome, but still kicks a bit of ass. But both are canceled out by the gayness of Orlando Bloom.
He has played the same character in every movie of his I have ever seen... Which are all listed above. The honest, caring, heroic, swashbuckling tool.
Many awesome actors have played the same character all the time, like Owen Wilson (excluding Behind Enemy Lines), Bruce Willis and of course Jackie Chan. But they all play cool characters... So it's OK.

If you don't believe what I've said, (and you fucking well better, cause I'm God) I took this picture of Mr Orlando Bloom when he was at his house expressing himself, cause he is too weak to do it in public.

The Things I Like

My friends, yes, I have friends... Like Hitler, Pol Pot, Charlie Manson (I know what you're about to say, and you're an idiot for thinking it. I'm God. I can bring him to Heaven whenever the shit I want)
They're always asking me:
"God, you kick ass, and we love you and worship you, but what do you love and worship?"
Well... The answer is simple. Me.
I fucking rock.
It keeps me awake at nights, lying around thinking how damn awesome I really am.
You have to kick a whole lot of ass to think up shit like the boxing day tsunami, or the 1970 floods of Bangladesh.
Sure, any moron can shoot someone in the face, and I like it. Quick. Simple. Hilarious. It's a good technique, but if you want to bring as much pain and death onto as many people as you can, then fucking BAM! Natural disasters will fuck your shit right up.
Who do you think it was that gave Africa AIDS? That didn't happen "naturally."
I wandered around that continent for about 10 years, turning trees into floating swarms of pure AIDS... It was good fun... One of the better times of my infinite life.
Remember kids, if your parents die in a car crash, or your relatives all die in a fire/flood/hurricane/AIDS... It might not be funny for you, but it damn sure is for me, and that's what really counts... Me.